This week, I’d love to talk about this idea of rumination and control. Fun stuff, right? 🙂
It’s been my experience that when I can’t get off the merry-go-round in my mind, (AKA…the rumination wheel) the core causes of this unpleasant experience are two things: control and avoidance.
It’s this idea of wanting to control something, someone, a situation, an experience, or an outcome AND the rumination wheel for me is simply a distraction to avoid issues within myself. Isn’t to easier to look outward pointing the finger versus doing the hard work of going inside and healing? It’s this desire within me to try to make a situation something other than it is. Think about that for a second. Trying to make a situation or a person or an experience, something other than they or it is. That’s a pretty big feat.
So I have two questions for you:
1. What triggers rumination within you?
2. What helps you stop?
When you sit in rumination, you literally are stuck in this vortex of pain/frustration and trying to make reality different than what it is. And the truth of the matter is, the only reality you can affect, change, or shift is your own reality.
I love Byron Katie’s work. If you haven’t heard of her, check her out. One of her books is called “Loving What Is” and it’s a very simple process to move away from the suffering that occurs within our minds while racing on that rumination wheel.
I’ll share my interpretation of her work shortly, but a quick story…
Recently, I have been through a difficult time in my life with a few personal things and what I discovered is that I have a very difficult time sitting with the pain of sadness or frustration or loneliness. I tend to in my life, run to other things…”busyness,” a new project, etc. Things that allow me to avoid feeling unpleasant feelings emotions and thoughts. We all have avoidance strategies in various shapes and forms.
This time, however, I chose to react differently. I chose to walk through the darkness and pain with courage and a deep knowing there was light around the bend. I actually stayed with and opened the door to those feelings I usually try to avoid… by using the strategies I often times share with clients!
A few of you have messaged me this past week saying you are trying to be “upbeat and happy” like me in my 1 Minute Mojo videos, Trust me when I tell you… these tips and tools and mojo minutes all are born out of my own past experiences or the ones I’m currently navigating through.
We are all perfectly imperfect and simply students in what I call “HU” …Human University. So we do the best we can by waking up and being a witness to our lives and making the choice to abandon…or love ourselves. It’s not always easy because this means we have to love the pain, the fear, the guilt, the regret, and that’s tough. That can be really tough.
Stepping out of this space of denial and this fear of “the pain”can be terrifying, yet it also can become the spark catapulting you into a new reality. It’s having the courage to acknowledge your feelings and to be with them, to sit with them to have a cup of tea with them and say, “hello there… you tend to freak me out but I’m open to getting to know you a bit.”
So back to Byron Katie. I’ll share with you my interpretation of her four steps with my own twist on the verbiage. It’s a tool that I use on a regular basis because I tend to be sensitive. I fully admit my feelings can sometimes be fragile and this process literally dissolves the discontent.
I hope you find it useful as well.
▪ Step #1 is acknowledging what you feel about the person or the situation by creating a statement describing your feelings. For example, “this person is so self-involved, doesn’t care about me and is inconsiderate.”
▪ Step #2 is asking yourself, “is that true?” If the answer is “yes,” then you ask yourself again, “is it really true?” If you realize that no, it’s not 100% true… move on to step 3.
▪ (If you feel it is 100% true what you are saying in your statement,,, buy the book as it gets more in-depth!)
▪ Step #3 is asking “how does this feeling feel in my body?” Maybe a tightness in your chest or a rock in your tummy or a lump in your throat.
▪ Step #4 is asking yourself “what would my life experience be right now if I didn’t have this thought/feeling coursing through my mind and my body?”
Bonus Step is what is called the “turn around.”
“Where have I been self-involved in my life? Where have I maybe caused someone else to think that I didn’t care?” This is not an opportunity to judge yourself, but simply to create awareness.
I encourage you the next time you’re spending minutes, hours, or days fixated on a specific situation or person to try out this tool. My hope is it will help relieve any anxiety and fear as well as remove the desire to jump towards those avoidance strategies.
Sending you good energy for a great day. See you next week.